How to Tell Your, and Know Their, Intentions

Letting your intentions be known and asking for theirs

ALWAYS let your intentions be known. Whether you’re speaking over text or on a first date. I always recommend, do it BEFORE ANYTHING PHYSICAL occurs. Because if you both do something physical while you are expecting something different from one another, it’ll really complicate things. It’ll be FUCKED. So, let your goddamn intentions BE KNOWN. But how????

There are about 4 different things that most people are looking for. These are; something casual/friends with benefits, a friendship, a relationship or going with the flow. Now, WHAT DO THESE MEAN??? Yes, some of them are straightforward but some of them are not. I’ll explain each one in detail and HOW you can bring it up on a date or over text BEFORE ANYTHING PHYSICAL. Be STRAIGHTFORWARD with it. Trust me, everyone will appreciate the honesty.

Friendship

This is the easiest one to communicate. Either before, on a date or after a date but BEFORE anything PHYSICAL, just let them know that currently you’re looking for a friendship. You’re not looking to see if it develops into something, you’re not looking for anything else. No sexual tone to the conversations. Just simple and friendly. Gauge their reaction. Tell them you don’t want to waste their time or give a different impression and that you respect their decision if they don’t want to move forward. HA, NOBODY WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND. I’m kidding. Some people aren't dating for friends. It is what it is. MOVE ON.

Casual/Friends with benefits

So, this one needs to be a little straightforward. A LOT of you try to be like, yea let’s be friends and then start getting all sexual with your texts when you’re drunk or start flirting when you talk. If you want to be friends with benefits, THEN FUCKING SAY IT.

How do you say it? The best thing is to ASK THE OTHER PERSON what they’re looking for? Now don’t do this abruptly mid convo you IDIOT. Let them finish their convo, wait for that little silence of 2 seconds after a convo has ended. Then keep it NATURAL.

Let’s say you met them on a dating app then go based off their bio, ‘So I see you mentioned relationship, is that what you’re looking for?’ or ‘I see you didn’t mention what you were looking for, is there anything specific?’.

OR if you met them in public, then ask over text or on the date, ‘I know this is a bit straightforward but I’m having a really good time, just wanted to ask you if there is something specific you’re looking for relationship wise at the moment? I didn’t want to waste your time if our intentions didn’t align’.

Then LISTEN to their reply. If it aligns then great. If not, then LET THEM KNOW. For example, ‘I’m not looking for anything serious right now, I’m open to keeping things casual, I don’t want to waste your time if that’s not what you’re looking for, so I figured I’d tell you straight’. That’s it. It’s simple. They will either say yes or no and you go from there. DON’T TRY TO CONVINCE THEM. Respect it. MOVE THE FUCK ON.

Relationship

Again. STRAIGHTFORWARD. Say everything I told you to say in the Casual bit but with a little more at the end. Here, i'll copy and paste for you lazy fucks who don’t want to scroll up.

- The best thing is to ASK THE OTHER PERSON what they’re looking for? Now don’t do this abruptly mid convo you IDIOT. Let them finish their convo, wait for that little silence of 2 seconds after a convo has ended. Then keep it NATURAL.

Let’s say you met them on a dating app then go based off their bio, ‘So I see you mentioned relationship, is that what you’re looking for?’ or ‘I see you didn’t mention what you were looking for, is there anything specific?’.

OR if you met them in public, then ask over text or on the date, ‘I know this is a bit straightforward but I’m having a really good time, just wanted to ask you if there is something specific you’re looking for relationship wise at the moment? I didn’t want to waste your time if our intentions didn’t align’. Then LISTEN to their reply. If it aligns then great. If not, then LET THEM KNOW. -

READ THIS EXAMPLE

For example, ‘I’m looking for something a bit serious right now, I’m open to start getting to know each other and see where things go. I'm not expecting anything, just seeing if we click. If it works, then great, if not, atleast it was worth a try. I don’t want to waste your time if that’s not what you’re looking for, so I figured I’d tell you straight’. That’s it. It’s simple. They will either say yes or no and you go from there. DON’T TRY TO CONVINCE THEM. Respect it. MOVE THE FUCK ON.

That’s it. Simple. To the point. AGAIN, don’t try to convince them you IDIOT. Nobody likes a pushy sales rep. Be better. MOVE ON.

Going with the flow

Alright, this is the one that requires the most explanation. SO, READ IT PROPERLY.

Going with the flow means just that. You’re GOING WITH THE FLOW. I want you to imagine a tree with three branches like the one above. Each branch is either Casual/friend with benefits, friendship, or relationship. The trunk of the tree is the start of the flow. When someone says going with the flow, what they mean is that they are OPEN TO ANY OF THE BRANCHES/TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS LISTED ABOVE.

So, this means that it’s up to the OTHER person to dictate which branch this person will go to. Essentially the person going with the flow ADAPTS to or IS OPEN to the tone set by the other person and MOVING TOWARDS THAT BRANCH. This DOES NOT MEAN that it is a guarantee that what the other person expects will happen, rather the person going with the flow will MAKE THE EFFORT as much as they can to try to flow towards that type of relationship, whichever branch it may be.

So, for example, if the other person says they want to be friends, then the PERSON GOING WITH THE FLOW will be having conversations with a friendly tone always. No sexual, no relationship or commitment tone, just friends. THAT IS THE FLOW THEY ARE FOLLOWING. They are flowing towards the FRIENDSHIP BRANCH. If something else develops along the way, it needs to be communicated!

Now, if the other person decides to go towards a FRIENDLY AND SEXUAL TONE, then the branch the person going with the flow will FLOW TO is the CASUAL/FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS branch. So, the tone will be CASUAL AND SEXUAL in nature with little to no emotional aspects. Hence, friends with benefits. No emotional commitment, just sexual and friendly.

Now let’s say that the other person starts to get more emotional and starts to show some emotional investment and tone to the current relationship (friends or friends with benefits), then the person going with the flow is NOW OPEN TO A RELATIONSHIP VIBE. Meaning they will make the EFFORT REQUIRED to SHIFT the flow naturally toward a relationship. So, the tone of the conversation will be much more emotional, deeper conversations, expressing thoughts and feelings, pretty much FLOWING towards the relationship branch.

BUT

It’s very important to communicate right away what your intentions are. Meaning which branch are you aiming towards? By doing this, you can pretty much ensure that there is no miscommunication or mixed signals about things as you have already stated what you’re looking for. Trust me. EVERYTHING BECOMES MUCH EASIER.

REMEMBER THIS, the moment YOU realize that the branch/relationship you mentioned earlier isn’t the one you’re going toward anymore or that the other person is doing something different than what you discussed, you need to COMMUNICATE that to the other person. TELL THEM YOU FUCKER.

For example, if you both are CASUAL/FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and you notice the other person is becoming more emotionally invested, then simply ASK, ‘hey I noticed you seem to be having more emotional conversations with me, are you sure you still want to continue as a casual/friends with benefits because I’m still looking for just that’.

Going with the flow is BEING OPEN to whatever is flowing naturally, usually dictated by the other person. Again, this DOES NOT MEAN that it’ll always be what the other person expects, but rather the person going with the flow will TRY THEIR BEST to make that effort. They are GOING WITH THE FLOW of your dynamic. it is NOT A PROBABILITY, it is A POSSIBILITY.

If you need to explain to someone what going with the flow means, put it this way. You’re open to putting in the effort to the type of relationship they want but you’re not expecting anything. Meaning if it works, that’s great but you’re not putting pressure on it to work but rather keeping it natural.

You can do this with all the types of relationships. If you guys are friends and the other person is getting more sexual in tone, same thing, tell them, that ‘I’m still looking for just friends, seems like you might be getting a little flirty, did you have something on your mind?’. Same thing with relationships. You know the deal; I don’t need to give you another example. Yes, I’m being lazy here.

COMMUNICATE! Even if you think that telling them something will hurt their feelings. SHORT TERM HURT is easier to overcome than LONG TERM PAIN. Remember that. NEVER LEAD ANYONE ON. Be clear with your intentions and always be to the point. Rejection is just as good as reassurance. If you know that your goals are not aligning anymore and there isn't a mutual agreement to come to, then it's alright to reject the current situation. Trust me, you're going to save both of you a lot of time and emotional pain for the future. If you can make it work then reassure yourselves that you can. If it’s working, LET THEM KNOW. If it’s not working, LET THEM KNOW.

Not all relationships are compatible with one another. See the chart below.

Type of relationship: Friends

Compatibility: Friends and Going with the flow

Type of relationship: Casual/Friends with benefits

Compatibility: Casual/Friends with benefits and Going with the flow

Type of relationship: Relationship

Compatibility: Relationship and going with the flow

Type of relationship: Going with the flow

Compatibility: All types