How To End a Date

Ending of the Date

Alright so the date is winding down. This is it.

Now, I know there’s a whole debate about who should pay or whether you should split the bill or blah blah blah. My advice is that it’s all up to YOU. You want to pay? Go for it. Offer to pay. You want to split? Grow the fuck up and say, ‘let’s split the bill’. If you want to know what I would do, well, I normally pay for the date.

Now, here’s the thing. Once you decide to pay, you can’t COMPLAIN that you’re always paying and there’s no success or she doesn’t text back or whatever. Why? Because you CHOSE to pay. That’s like you picking up dog shit, smearing it all over your face and then complaining that there’s dog shit on your face. If you CHOSE to pay then own it. If things didn’t work out, all good, shit happens. Keep it moving.

Soo, here comes probably the most nerve wracking and confusing part of the date. Either you’ll be dropping her back to her place. Don’t drink and drive idiot. Or you’ll be calling her an uber back to her place. CHIVALRY. But either way, the big question is, how do you say bye?

I know all you horny fucks are thinking about sex. Men, this is IMPORTANT, so pay fucking ATTENTION. Please please please don’t ever go on a date expecting a kiss or sex. What that does is that EVERYTHING you do on the date will subconsciously have a sexual tone to it. Just fucking don’t. Instead, do the OPPOSITE. Don’t even think about sex. You probably noticed I didn’t say ‘don’t think about a kiss’. That’s because kissing is something that’s LIKELIER. Now, LIKELIER DOES NOT MEAN PROBABLE, it means POSSIBLE.

But how do you do it? You put your lips on hers, duhhh, IDIOT. No but seriously, how do you even get to that? This, what I’m about to tell you, is fucking GOLD and often works well to figure out if you guys will kiss or not. It doesn’t work ALL THE TIME. But it does work. At SOME POINT closer to the END OF YOUR DATE, somehow you can subtly slip a statement about kissing on the first date. Read that again.

I didn’t tell you to say a sentence about YOU kissing on THIS first date, I said a general statement. Then, gauge her reaction. Is she responding positively? Does she verbally say, ‘yea if there’s a connection then sure’. THIS IS IMPORTANT. PAY ATTENTION TO HER. She will literally TELL YOU what she thinks about it. If her reaction is a positive one, then she’s more LIKELY to expect a kiss from you but it’s NOT GUARANTEED. So, don’t go sticking your tongue out and start attacking her. It depends how well you guys got along on the date. And that’s pretty easy to tell based on whether you had fun or not.

If you’re unable to subtly talk about kissing on a first date because YOURE A FUCKING IDDIOT, then its fine. I’ve got another gold line for you. This is what I normally do.

You walk her to her place, and you both are likely standing there waiting for the other one to say bye or something. Here, I normally just be straightforward, mind you I’m a straightforward guy, and I say, ‘I might kiss you now’ but DON’T LEAN IN. This is pretty much you ASKING HER if you she’s alright with you kissing her. So, WAIT for her answer.

Fellas, 99% of the time, IF IT’S A YES, she will actually lean in herself, or she’ll say, ‘yes’ or ‘sure’ or ‘that’s fine’ or she’ll smile and lean in. Then you just push her away and run. IM PLAYING. KISS HER IDIOT.

IF IT’S A NO, 99% of the time she will say ‘no’ or ‘maybe not tonight’ or she won’t lean in or, and this is a BIG HINT, she’ll say, ‘Ummmmm’. This means NO. She’s hesitant. So just DON’T. If she’s hesitant, let it be. If it’s a NO, then forget the kiss, forget the hug, just smile and say, ‘no worries, I had a great time, Ill text you tomorrow, maybe we can do it again sometime’ and wait for her reply, then LEAVE.

Don’t linger around hoping some bullshit romantic moment is gonna happen and she’s going to run back into your arms and kiss you. YOU FUCKING CREEP, MOVE YOUR ASS. She wants to go inside to her house. Don’t stand there like a CREEP and make it all weird and awkward. MOVE ON. It’s that simple. Don’t overthink it. Don’t be a bitch about not getting a kiss. Go home and kiss your pillow. Have some ice cream. Cry. But most IMPORTANTLY, DON’T HAVE A NEGATIVE VIEW OF HER BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T KISS YOU.

There are plenty of women that exercise modesty more than others. This doesn’t mean that the women who kiss on the first date aren’t modest. Everyone has their own preference. It’s like, would you hate on your sister if she didn’t kiss the guy she was on a first date with? No, you’d actually justify her not doing it by thinking, ‘oh she probably wanted to wait till next time’ or ‘maybe she wasn’t comfortable at that time’ or whatever other reasons. Think the same for this woman.

Don’t be a dumbass. And remember, DON’T GIVE A FUCK. If you enjoyed the date and want to continue, then the NEXT MORNING, instead of both of you waiting to text each other first, another gold line to start a new conversation is, ‘Hey, hope you had a good time last time!’.

What this does is three things, it shows that you cared enough to make sure she had a good time last night, it shows her that you thought about her today and it also gives you an opportunity to start a new conversation without having to think about what to say to her or without having to say the generic, ‘hey’. It’s a great and simple way to continue the conversation.